Facing parenting struggles? PMT To the Rescue!

By Dr. Shaneze Gayle Smith, Ph.D.

Let’s be honest, parenting is hard. From sleep training infants and potty-training toddlers to managing tantrums in early childhood and dealing with conflict in adolescents, it is both an incredibly rewarding, but also frustrating experience.

Now, if you’re a parent with a child suffering from anxiety, OCD, ADHD, behavioral problems, or any other mental health difficulties, it can feel extremely overwhelming. All the normal difficulties of parenting are multiplied, and you’re left with added stress…frustration…and sometimes even hopelessness.

As a child therapist, I’ve seen countless parents struggle with managing their children’s behaviors. And as a parent myself, I have, at times, felt like I was drowning. For example, when navigating teething, colds, and separation anxiety, all while trying to finish school, get work done, and fulfil other obligations. I get it. I’ve been there. Many times. So, I also know that, even when facing very steep hills and challenging moments, there is a way through. There is hope!

At Together CBT, we offer parent management training (PMT), which is a collection of CBT techniques that we teach parents so that they can help their children manage their anxiety and other big feelings differently, cut down on disruptive behaviors, and learn new skills. PMT is one of the most extensively studied therapies for children and adolescents and has been shown to be effective as an intervention for youth of all ages, but particularly for kids aged 11 and under. For example, parents who completed PMT reported significantly greater improvements in child behavior problems, their own attitudes, and satisfaction with family relationships (Goldberg & Carlson, 2014).  

Depending on the age of the child, PMT may involve working with parents and children in session, or children receiving individual therapeutic support and parents learning behavior management strategies with the child joining some of these sessions. At Together CBT, we work with you, your child, and any other providers (e.g., school psychologist, psychiatrist) to develop a personalized plan that best meets the needs of your child and family.

Why Focus on Parents and Not the Child?

PMT is predicated on the notion that, as the parent, you exert enormous influence over your children's behaviors and development. You are more available to change your child’s behavior and your positive attention is so rewarding to their children. Part of the reason why parents hold so much power is because our children are mirrors, reflecting images of what happens around them. You can think of their brains as sponges, soaking up everything that they see. Children mimic gestures, language, and interests of the adults in their lives. You’ll notice your child holding a crayon just like Dad holds his pen or using a phrase Mom says often. The reality is you are your child’s secure base. It might not feel like that when your child is not following your directions or acting out, but PMT uses that base as a foundation to our treatment.

For example, PMT works to help parents shift their focus from behaviors you don’t want to behaviors that you do. In this case, we train parents on using reinforcement such as praise and parental attention. A child will always find parent attention the most rewarding/reinforcing so changing how caregivers approach a child can accelerate individual therapy gains and strengthen the parent-child relationship which further reinforces desired behaviors. Studies have shown that the parent-child relationship is directly related to child’s behaviors (Rothbaum et al., 1995). The closer a child feels to their parent and family, the less likely they are to act out.

Now, we know that it is normal for children to act out and test limits and your boundaries. I can’t tell you how often parents are frustrated at their child misbehaving with them. This might happen more often at home because of different structure (or lack thereof) than in other settings. Also, children might act out with certain people because they know they can get away with it. Sometimes, as parents, we are feeding into certain undesired behaviors without even knowing it. In PMT, we teach you alternative ways to respond to a child’s negative actions and provide skills training on strategies such as active ignoring or time out to help direct your child to engage in more positive behaviors.

Additionally, PMT provides parents with lasting insight on children’s mental health needs and how to respond to these needs effectively over time/development. At times it can be frustrating when you don’t understand what’s going on with your child. Remember when all they did was cry, and you had to guess what was wrong? That feeling of relief…sweet relief you felt when the crying stopped, and you finally figured out what was causing them to become upset. Although your child might have words now, they still struggle with expressing what they need. Their behaviors are a form of their language. Children communicate through their behaviors. They might not always express it so easily for us to understand. However, PMT provides with you information on learning about your child and how to use their behaviors to figure out what their needs might be.

Who Provides PMT Training at TCBT?

Dr. Henri-Lee Stalk has over a decade of experience providing behavior management support to parents. She is trained to provide modular CBT, which is focused on coaching parents on evidence-based skills and strategies to recognize, reinforce and change their children’s behavior across a range of areas (trauma, anxiety, depression, oppositional behavior). She also provides individual and parenting support to parents in cases where children are not yet comfortable pursuing therapy themselves.

Dr. Allison Love has helped parents enact positive change quickly and strategically using behavior management strategies in individual and group formats for over 15 years. She is trained and credentialed in multiple cognitive behavior therapies focused on parenting youth with anxiety, depression, trauma, misbehavior, and other childhood mental health concerns.

I, Dr. Shaneze Gayle Smith am a clinical psychology fellow and have 8 years of experience working with children, adolescents, and parents. I have aided parents who had children suffering from anxiety, depression, suicidality, self-destructive behaviors, disruptive behaviors, grief/loss and various forms of trauma. In addition to individual parent sessions, I have facilitated sessions with parent-child, family (both parents and siblings of child) and parent groups. I have also provided support for couples transitioning to parenthood and support on conflicts over parenting styles.

Learn more about our PMT services here